i informed my cabinet this morning (no, not the freestanding one in the hall, doris - the cabinet meeting) that
we need an effective budget strategy.
they all looked at their cheese toasties and stirred their tea.
totally devoid of ideas.

so i explained my cunning plan to boost island income - an online shop.
simple!
the very mention of the word shop got their attention.  i got the usual stupid suggestions ...

like why don't we sell cows online.  postage would cost a lot.
why don't we sell signed pictures of ourselves. they would never get passed the obscene publications police.

and so on ....

i eventually explained that all we need to do is scour our sheds and lofts for bits of junk, tie a fancy isle of kevin ribbon and souvenir tag round them, and we'd make a fortune.  no need for higher taxes on the super rich (that's me, by the way) and no need to run up big debts like gordon the brown (hard to imagine he was once chancellor of the exchequer, isn't it?).

we're going to call it isle-bay.

so that's that sorted.

first item up for sale will be a natty red dispatch box ...