dear editor

the dentist was cancelling appointments the other day because one of his assistants had a streaming cold.
what a cheek!

i pay good money to have my teeth winched into place and i don't expect to be made to wait by namby pamby young people who are afraid of sneezing over upright citizens like me.
good grief!

etc etc

it's an outrage and i don't know what the world is coming to.
etc etc

as it is, i had to clean my own tooth for two days in a row which is not easy when all you've got is a yard brush and an arthritic elbow.

something must be done.
anyway, i must go now because my new dentures have just been pushed through the letter box by tesco home express because the dentist has taken offence and is too damn lazy to drive round here himself.
this confused the postman no end who thought my door was going to bite him.
serve them all right!

yours etc

anonymous (sergeant major, girl guides)