i see that scientists on the isle of britain have been busy again.
this time their vital groundbreaking researchers have come up with fact that a glass of white wine has the same calories as a bag of crisps.
AND a pint of lager is about as fattening as a sausage roll.

here on the isle of kevin, we put our scientists to better use.
for example, i have a team which has produced a pint of lager which makes you slimmer, and a sausage roll you can drink to avoid wearing out your teeth.
far more useful.

and whereas i have no doubt it will soon be against the law to talk with your mouth full on the isle of britain (and to drink in pubs, perish the thought), the isle of kevin has a much more relaxed approach.
why, even as i write this carefully thought through memo, my good lady doris is gnawing away on a spare rib (the pig doesn't seem to mind) while drinking a can of guinness, and singing the theme tune from star wars, all at the same time.

no-one will arrest her.

though sometimes, i do wish they would.