funny how some people look old before their time.
i think i've aged a few years already today.
first off, doris broke the treadmill.  her size elevens were pounding so much that my crown jewels were shaking in the breakfast room.
kev the chauffeur ran upstairs with his black and decker to fix it and ended up fusing the whole house, which meant that my nasal hair trimmer sparked right up my nose hole.  still, i doubt i'll be troubled by hair there for a while.
flossie the chambermaid was sweeping out the woodburner and got her magimop stuck up the flue.  we all grabbed her (kev was at the front of the queue for that, i noticed) and pulled.  the magimop stayed where it was, but flossie's elvis apron flew off and we all staggered back, through the ceremonial archway, down the stone steps, and into the crocodile moat.

luckily, doris had been feeding kev (he's the only gay crocodile in the moat), and though he was rightly upset when i landed on his nether regions, he only bit me once.

so, not a great start to the day.
but things can only get better.

now, where's the hair dye?