i thought it might work.
after all, i have been buffing my crown jewels most of the day.
but doris was not to be deterred...

bad back is no excuse, she said, as she attempted to change out of her black lycra body stocking.
for some reason, my mind flashed back to that time we went whale watching.
the lycra creaked dangerously, so i positioned my ceremonial dipstick out of harm's way.
then it happened.
her shoulder strap got caught on our bedhead (the word LURV in wrought iron, since you ask) just as she
was leaning down to empty the bedpan - and twang!
the last time i saw her, she was hanging head first out of the window.
i had to put the lights on, it had gone so dark. 
i had to make a quick decision - was it safer to push her through and let her fall safely into the ornamental shark pond?
or drag her back inside and help her get the lycra off?

let no-one accuse me of not being thoughtful.
i pushed her through -  but not before i'd pushed the bed a bit nearer, and re-attached her straps.

now she's dangling there on her straps, like a jumbo black pudding on a piece of elastic.
but at least she's not hurt.
flossie kindly agreed to lie on the bed to act as ballast, bless her.

unfortunately, that bed was heavy, so i really have got a bad back now.

i hope doris forgives me.