this week's headlines ... well, if you read them here, you can save £2 and spend it on parsnips, can't you?

trousers are down at john lewis

people are being made redundant because there is a recession

there's a voting scam on a reality tv show so as to guarantee record viewing figures for the next show

lidl is the new waitrose

chelsea, liverpool and man united are at the top of the premiership table

woolworths could have been saved

there's a war but it's a long way away from england

jeremy clarkson writes very wittily about squashing hedgehogs in his range rover

and there are lots of homes, cars and clothes you couldn't possibly afford.

stop press:  there is a political row about something to do with education