yes! it's back!  the HOW TO guide that's got everyone talking! especially about all the exclamation marks!
this edition is sponsored by SWAN VESTAS, who make matches and vests, both of which can keep you warm, especially
if you light your vest with a match.

anyway - BRRRRR! isn't it cold?  so how do we keep warm?  i'll tell you...

>>>always wear at least three vests, and don't forget to put the second one on upside down (with your legs through the armholes) to make the perfect airtight seal

>>>light a bonfire outside and leave your doors and windows open to catch every scrap of that lovely heat - you can even roast your nuts at the same time

>>>run a hot bath and sit in it all the time, topping up occasionally with a boiling kettle (please do not try this at home)

>>>cut up a pair of old gloves and use the fingers to cover up your nose and other extremities - a piece of elastic tied round your head will ensure your new nose mitten stays firmly on

>>> make friends with anyone wearing a thick coat, wait for them to unbutton it, and then steal it

>>> queue up in a fish and chip shop for a few hours - it's always warm in there - and if anyone questions you, just say you can't make up your mind between cod pieces and pickled eggs

>>> buy a jumbo box of SWAN VESTAS and set light to your mattress - you'll keep the bed bugs down and never need an electric blanket again

there we are!  sorted!! and there's just enough time for one more exclamation mark!