i do wish the team of monkeys i employ to churn out 'teach yourself' books would get their act together.

i shouted through the barn door at them:  "we're in a recession, so where is that updated edition of 'teach yourself bank robbery' i was promised?"

chief monkey yelled back - "get real, your gorgeousness.  the banks have got no money either."

i wasn't putting up with this, so i threw a few bananas in to keep them quiet, then collared chief monkey in his penthouse pen.

'the banks are full of cash you idiot, because the government has given them billions."

monkey lowered his glasses down his nose to make himself look more intelligent than what i do, and replied:  "yes, but they've got it well hidden because they will need to give it back one day, won't they?"

i stood up to my full height, and banged my tiara on a bag of nuts (at least i think that's what it was):  "get a life you hopeless babboon! they won't be able to give it back if we show the good people how to nick it, will they?  and anyway, it belongs to us, doesn't it?"

he picked a nit out of my hair thoughtfully and promised the book would be on my desk by tomorrow.