i posted my letter to father christmas, lapland, a couple of days ago.
i was surprised to get a letter back for the first time ever.
this is what he wrote ...

dear kev, things are a bit tight at the moment, so i'm going to have to cut your list down by about 20 per cent. 
the price of reindeer feed has gone up. i can't smoke my pipe on the premises.  and as if that wasn't bad enough,
mrs claus wants me to diversify - i said i'd look ridiculous in an easter bunny costume, but no doubt she'll get her own way.
so, sorry mate - i can probably manage a couple of satsumas, the apron with a nude woman on the front, and the nasal hair clipper...
all the best to you and yours.
f. christmas

ps - sorry i couldn't afford the stamp.  you'll have to pay the postage.