doris had her 'come to bed' eyes look tonight.
this consisted of two thick wedges of cucumber stuck over her eyes, in a sea of inch thick face cream and a hair net last used by a north sea trawler.
she was wearing a dressing gown that was too big for frank bruno and a pair of slippers that i could swear could double up as canal boats.
she had sprayed herself with perfume that was so intense the parrot was hanging upside down on its perch with an oxygen mask.

i decided to stay up late, watching repeats of 'desperate husbands'.

tonight, i shall dream of scunthorpe hilton.