news from closer to home ... (see previous post, world news)...
doris's knicker elastic snapped and 14 ramblers were whiplashed off the cliff this morning. apparently, she was bending over to examine a meat pie wrapper someone had carelessly discarded. not out of public duty, of course - just in case there was any pie left.
kev the chauffeur is getting married to ivy, ex-wife of the village idiot, kev. he ran off with what he thought was another woman, but it turned out he had actually eloped with a hat stand. should have gone to specsavers, i suppose.
my tourism officers arrested 24 people for holidaying out of season. they were blatantly enjoying themselves on an otherwise empty beach and were nicked for disturbing the peace, and sentenced to two weeks on a saga coach tour.
.... all in all, just another day on the isle of kevin.
what is your local news?!
