i thought i'd have a lie in as it was sunday.
big mistake.
doris decided to stay in bed with me.
every time she turned over, the duvet magically wrapped itself around her.
i got the maid to bring the tea (we call her the teasmaid), and doris slurped and spilled and knocked my elbow so i spilled mine, then blamed me for filling the cups too much.
then she demanded a bacon buttie.
i forgot the brown sauce so had to go downstairs to get that as well.

i tiptoed down without a stitch on, to find a gang of tourists enjoying the ghost walk.  they soon scattered as they saw me brandishing my giant size HP bottle.

then i had to bash the bottom of the sauce bottle to get any out, and of course it splurged out all over doris's heaving bosom.
she didn't seem to mind that and when she looked at me rather coyly, i knew what was coming next.
 i reminded her i preferred ketchup, and decided now was a good time to get dressed.

the tourists had gone, but the police were waiting for me.
they wanted to prosecute me for indecent exposure.
i told them how unfair that was and said if you want a real example, take a look at doris.

while they were upstairs, i rustled them up a couple of bacon butties.
brown sauce? i enquired.