flossie has returned from her state visit to the pie factory.
she tiptoed in early this morning with all the delicacy of an elephant hopping on a sheet metal catwalk.
i noticed that even the mice were wearing ear muffs this morning.

i noticed with some disdain that she gave doris a souvenir, engraved pie.
doris - bless her - ate it without reading the special inscription on the crust, then all hell broke loose as dear flossie tried to prise open doris's gob to retrieve the fragments.
my money was on doris not parting with her mouthful, and i won the bet.
flossie is now examining the fragments of her fingers.

i'm inspecting the royal gardens today.
we've had some work experience lads in from the incompetent layabouts academy down the road.
no doubt they will have strimmed the strawberries and decapitated my dahlias.

but ... musn't complain, eh?

oh - nearly forgot - that bloke who runs the crisp factory in america (i think they call them chips over there for no known reason) - what's his name?
mccain!
well, he's popping round tonight to seek my advice.
wants to know what to do about his running mate.
he is clearly in love with the woman, but i'll have to tell him he's old enough to be her grandfather and it's time he grew up.
just because she's got a daughter called bristol ... it's pathetic.