this is the product of evolution. the top of the pyramid of life.
it's bank holiday, it's cloudy, and everyone is bored.
doris has already eaten a catering size box of jaffa cakes while reading back copies of 'goodbye' magazine.
flossie is flossing between her toes (so i'm told - i can't look.  and whoever heard of flossing with a length of garden twine.)
kev the chauffeur is hoovering out the ashtray in the reliant robin limmo, then lighting another fag, then hoovering out the ashtray ... etc etc.

me?

i'm going through my schedule for tomorrow.

leg waxing (i do it meself with a melted candle and a thick stick to bite on);
followed by the queen's speech (for a meeting of the island homosexual hang gliding association - be careful where you land);
followed by the state opening of kev's chip shop (no doubt doris will be there, salivating over a jumbo sausage);
followed by an official lunch for the triumphant island olympic team, who won every single medal at the island olympics (special mention here to the grand old ladies of the extreme womens institute, who won the bungee jump gold with a thrilling leap off the sideboard)

and that's just the first half of the day.

(sigh)

boring life, eh?