the jury has finally emerged after hours of discussion and heated debate, and is ready to make its decision on the new isle of kevin national anthem.

the jury members were:

king kev (that's me)
doris
flossie
scunthorpe hilton
kev (of kev's kaff)
kev (the chauffeur)
and our special guest
kevin bloody wilson (the australian wit and favoured dinner guest of the nobility)

three entries were disqualified because they were in the charts not long ago.
cliff richard was turned away at the door and not allowed to perform, though he did start singing 'summer holiday' outside.  doris soon put a stop to that with a karate kick that would have felled a wildebeeste.  sadly, this dislodged both his toupee and his face filler, and he left the island looking about ninety years old, wearing a flat hat and a sullen expression.

but we are delighted to announce the winner (well, the rest of them are).
we wanted something fresh, modern, a symbol of our times, a pointer to the future, an emblem of peace.
but we got this instead.

sung to the tune of my old man's a dustman...

oh we love the isle of kevin
it's very nice indeed
there are lots of dogs
but they're always on the lead.

kev's a luvverly ruler
he straight and strong and true
but we love doris better -
she's the one for us.

i told them it didn't rhyme, for one thing.
i was out voted, you see.
doris fixed it. i saw the kev the chauffeur lightng a cigar outside; flossie was preening around in a new feather boa (or was it a draught excluder?).
scunthorpe voted with me, bless her - i must repay her loyalty later.

kevin bloody wilson abstained.
but kev from the kaff cleaned it up so that was ok.

i'm not happy.
doris has promised to console me later, though, so i'll try to keep me end up.