while the isle of britain is feeling smug because it actually won some gold medals at the olympics, here on the isle of kevin we staged our own hundred metres race today.
we were very proud of that nice young jamaican man who posed for the camera near the finishing line, then kissed his trainers for the photographers. that was cruel, making him do that. maybe he sniffed them before he ran? i think a drugs test should be demanded.

anyway, inspired by his feat (did you see what i did there with that play on words?),
we decided to have our own version - the hundred metres pose.

the idea was that you minced, floated, danced, skipped, or catwalked over the course, posing for the camera all the way.

i was there, with me polaroids.
(i must get them fixed.)

then i took some pictures and used them to judge the winner.

surprise, surprise - it was flossie.
she skimmed along in a wheelbarrow (specially reinforced and widened - it had sixteen wheels) and i never knew she had so many teeth.  she grinned so much her ears were round the back of her head by the time she breasted the tape.  she was wearing a basque manufactured specially for her by john laing construction, and her make up was applied by that well known firm of island plasterers, skimmit and runne.
a worthy winner, indeed - and her finishing time meant that she would have given old mr jamaica a run for his money.
she came rolling home in nine minutes.

sadly, the brakes failed and the last i saw of her was when she was hanging onto the sides of the barrow as it bounced alarmingly along the pier. 

i wonder if she can swim?