@ 2008-08-16 – 23:21:48
why do the stairs creak late at night but not during the day?
why is lurpak twice the price of flora?
why does only one fat buzzing bloody bluebottle get into the living room and instinctively know when i'm stalking it with all twenty editions of encyclopaedia brittanica raised aloft?
Zappy5971
EllieGant
They do creak in the day, but they can't be heard because the neighbours are so blooming noisy?
Lurpak cows wear costly designer gear?
Bluebottles support google.
kevinwilson
Pro i like your last answer - that explains a lot!
jenray
Pro I recognize the first and last...HLOL...I buy Lurpak because I don't like Flora...
GBHs...XXX
kevinwilson
Pro maybe it's time i introduced a new character called flora! xx
MarikaSunSeeker
Why? why? if I knew the answer to that, I'd be a wealthy woman! but may I humbly suggest - Maybe flies are territorial, so only one would have the right to be in your living room, their multi faceted eyes would probably be the reason for the detection of your slow moving encyclopedias.
kevinwilson
Pro hmmmm - that would explain it, except you can't more multi faceted than a bloomin' encyclopaedia!
MarkJT
Some tips from the letters page of the Isle of Kevin Chronicle;
Sir – Most of your correspondents have displayed an uncharacteristic lack of British fair play in dealing with their pestiferous winged visitors.
A German friend once gave me a fly-swatter that had, in the centre, a rectangular hole a little larger than the size of a fly, along the sides of which was printed Gib der Fliege eine Chance (“Give the fly a chance”).
Herr Todaytgonetomorrow, Wilts.
Sir – In the light of rising food costs, it may be prudent to use the trapped flies to make a cheap, protein-rich meal.
C. Lyon, Regents Park, London
I have a spring-loaded fly gun that fires a soft plastic pad retrieved by a 4ft string. It is good practice for the partridge season.
Emma Royd, Herts.
We barely see a fly now. What has happened to them all?
Ronald McDonald, Chigwell, Essex
As a boy, I perfected the art of dispatching flies with a pea-shooter. Now in middle age and living in the tropics, I have developed a modest reputation as a crack-shot fly assassin, helped by having year-round access to my chosen game.
Aaron Izneez, Jakarta, Indonesia
One elastic band. One steady aim. One wall cleaner.
John Potters-Bar, Potters Bar, Hertsfordshire
I wonder if the RSPCA will be minded to investigate your fly-killing correspondents.
Hugh Janus, Birmingham
kevinwilson
Pro brilliant - award winning comment!!
MissyMouse
Why?
Because they can and are
kevinwilson
Pro oh.
right.
i see ...!
x
Prettyintelligentprincess
Pro I just bought a huge tub of Lurpack speadable today...lots of sandwiches to make for family before funeral wed! But it does taste yummy!
And your blue bottle was definitely sniffing around my corners tonight!
kevinwilson
Pro lucky bluebottle!
x
QueeneMab
cos you only have axe murdering psychos in your house late at night silly.
X
kevinwilson
Pro
a reasonable explanation!
x
trintrin1x
LURPAK 
kevinwilson
Pro yeah!
want some??
xx
Usksider
Pro Damn flies... we need more velcro!
kevinwilson
Pro yes, down with zips!
Usksider
Pro And tights too!
sweetymon
Lurpak is my favourite butter, even though I hardly ever have butter. I have good taste 
xx
kevinwilson
Pro it's the best - we used to have it as a treat at home. now it's my favourite. funny how we get pre-programmed! xx
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Why do you ask these questions at this time of night. I was just about to give the toilet a good scrub, and now I have homework? OK.
The stairs creak coz you have had too many meetings at the pie club (clearly).
Lurpack? Coz it tastes better and if you grease the stairs with it while Doris and Flossie are tripping down in their stilletto wellies your life will be quieter (not forgetting the life insurance)
Bluebottles? Who knows, get a can of flit.