if it was possible to have two headaches, i would have had them today.
one for doris, one for flossie.
flossie did a belly flop into the jacuzzi (a large beer barrel with kev the chauffeur making bubbles, with his stick, i think) and four people came close to drowning in the subsequent tsunami as they were admiring my hollyhocks,
doris's contribution was to have griping stomach pains while still shovelling down platefuls of steak and kidney sushi (she calls it her balanced diet).  when i ordered kev the chef not to make her any more there was only one cow with a kidney on the whole island.  doris screamed and cracked my glasses, which was unfortunate as i was in the middle of measuring myself (for a new tank top).

when flossie heard the scream, she came thundering into the palace, slipped on a wet dog, rolled backwards down the ceremonial steps and flattened the postman (kev).

anyway, i've bought them both tickets for the chippendales eurovision thong contest tonight.
and suddenly, doris has recovered. with the help of a snack, naturally.
flossie has helped kev patch up the jacuzzi by donating a few yards of her rubber wear.

and i've invited scunthorpe hilton round to soothe and pamper me.
i'll be wearing my new tank top.
don't tell the girls will you?