the following statement was issued by doris at 1830 GMT:
i have given her my royal consent in the interests of equality and because she said she'd clobber me otherwise...

i have just finished off a bag of maltesers and wanted to put the record straight as regards my behaviour as king kev's queen.
i am not half as bad as what he paints me, and no mistake.
i do like dressing up in lycra, and i enjoy my food, but that doesn't make me a monster.
what he can't see is that i behave like this because of him.
don't be fooled, is all i can say.
he's not nice.
i've seen him picking his nose one minute, then stirring his whisky with the same finger the next.
disgusting.
he never leaves me alone at night, either - though i don't mind that, if i'm honest - but i do object to his smart remarks about not being able to find a handhold as he climbs on top of me.
still, his wallet heart is in the right place.
anyway, i have to go now - i'm hosting an ann summers party and kev's agreed to model some racy underpants for us.
we're drinking milk to start with, just to settle our stomachs.

signed with her own thumb print
doris