yes, just when you thought it was safe to turn on the shopping tv channel to bid for that new potato peeler you always wanted, up pops king kev with the latest in his award winning HOW TO series - this time on the very important issue of conserving the earth's resources ... ie YOUR MONEY.
this edition of HOW TO is sponsored by that best selling fuel additive company TATE AND LYLE - just pour a few bags of TATE AND LYLE'S FINEST SUGAR into a neighbour's petrol tank, and help them save a fortune on petrol (please note that some of the savings may be offset by the cost of a new engine).
anyway, are you worried about the rising cost of petrol and diesel?  of course you are! but no need to worry - here's how to beat the oil shakes...

  1. don't buy any fuel ever again - you'll save a fortune
  2. switch the engine off at traffic lights, pretend you've broken down, and people will be only too happy to push you away when the light turns green while you count the cash you've saved on wasted petrol (warning: don't do this too often at the same set of lights and always carry a loaded revolver)
  3. hitch hike to the shops every day - if you normally shop on thursdays, set off on wednesday and you might just make it in time
  4. improve the wind resistance of your car by bolting on some aeroplane wings but be careful when you overtake on a zebra crossing, and don't drive too quickly up hills
  5. drive very slowly, all the time, and if you find your speedo creeping up over 20 miles per hour, stop in the middle of the road and apologise to all the drivers queueing up behind you for contributing to their increased fuel consumption
  6. buy a donkey and demand a donkey parking space and bale of hay at work - it's your right
  7. install a powerful rear facing electric fan on the dashboard to give you increased speed
  8. cut leg holes in the floor of your vehicle so you can walk the car up hills and save precious fuel
  9. only make essential journeys - for example, to the bookies or off licence
  10. always use car ferries - that way, you can switch your engine off and conserve fuel as you cross the sea.
that's it for my latest HOW TO guide. the only problem you've got now is - what to spend all that extra cash on!