kev the chauffeur is having a bath!
i'm not kidding you - he says defensively that he has one twice a year, if he needs it.
now he needs it.
doris, meanwhile, has stampeded off to the beauty parlour where a team of experts has been shipped in to see if they can reduce her to a mere triple chin. i think they were planning to do a by-pass operation but heaven only knows where the extra chin flaps are going to end up - push them down and she'd need a bigger bra, push them up and her nose would need some form of artificial support.
as for me, well, i'm taking the opportunity to buff my medallions and steam clean my sceptre.
as you may guessed, we have a special guest tonight.
and here she is ...
me old mucker, madonna shufflebottom.
though most people know her by her first name.
she's a singer, i think, and likes having children - usually other people's, i'm told by those in the know.
anyway, she's always welcome here. she wants a bit of peace and quiet, and time away from that mate of hers justine timberland.
so we're just going to have our usual game of spin the bottle (our version is quite simple - you take a bottle of alcohol and spin it so it is upside down and the contents go down your throat).
she is quite demanding, though - she has specified she wants somewhere to do a work out in the morning. that's easy enough - she can join me in my chambers for that, ha ha ha.
i hope madonna likes a meat pie, though, because that's what she's having for tea tonight.
always assuming kev the chauffeur gets out of the bath in time to go down to the shop.
if he's lost that soap on a rope, i'll throttle him.
now - where on earth are my gold sequinned hot pants?
