sorry you couldn't be bothered to turn up for my royal garden party today.
your absence was noted and construction work on your villa by the sea has been suspended.

you missed an excellent event, which included:

  • steal a child's ice cream and get it back to the chest freezer before it melts (doris made many attempts but ate them all)
  • the coconut shy - throw a coconut at kev the village idiot's head and see if you can split it open (the coconut)
  • sheep throwing - same technique as the hammer throw, but a lot messier
  • mount the donkey - this event was abandoned after ten minutes as people clearly had the wrong idea
  • tug of war - two teams of eighty people on either end of flossie's bra straps
the beauty competition is still going on.  this is very annoying as i am the only contestant, and i don't see why they can't make their minds up.

there.
sorry you skived off now, aren't you?

what's your excuse anyway?