a few things for the weekend ...

a pound of lard (doris uses it as a cheap alternative to make up - fills in the cracks a treat, she says)

ear muffs (there's a hen night on the lawn tomorrow and i do not want to hear their rendition of 'high ho silver lining')

potatoes (very useful for throwing out of the window at hen parties)

licquorice allsorts (because i'm addicted and have to feed my habit)

gherkins (they always raise a laugh)

hair dye (thought i'd try the blond look for a change - doris said she'd fancy me if i was blond)

underpants (there's a three for two offer at the petrol station shop, though i never wear more than one pair at a time)

what's on your list?