i can't believe my bad luck.
doris has invited the pair of them to stay the night, and i haven't got a bottle of fake tan anywhere.
they expect, nay demand, a supply wherever they go.
they'll be livid (if you catch my meaning).
so what is a king supposed to do at nearly 7pm when kev's kemist has locked up for the night (apart from the, er, dispensing machine outside)?
use his creative genius, that's what.
so, as i write this memoir, doris and kev the chauffeur are knocking up a bottle or two with the following ingredients ...
diesel fuel (to give it that luxury, expensive feel)
cow manure (nut brown)
double cream (for spreadability)
brut aftershave 1975 (from kev's collection of genuine antiques - to offset the agricultural aromas)
a tablespoon of polyfilla (to conceal those cracks)
that should do the trick.
the sticky stuff for richard's toupee was easy to source. a bit of evostick should be ok.
look forward to meeting them, but i'll arrange the seating plan for dinner so they're at the far end.
anyway, here they are - don't they look gorgeous!
VisionInBlue
Pro 
..
I think you have actually found the secret recipe for it right there!