they're spending their honeymoon on the isle of kevin and i've offered them the use of my royal chambers.
wayne is quite nice really - doris loves him because he eats a lot.
colleen likes nibbling ryvita - but wayne gets a bit jealous so ryvita usually waits in the car.

i've challenged wayne to a game of keepie uppy on the beach.
it involves me throwing a cornet with a 99 flake at him and he has to keep juggling it until it melts.

wayne has apologised in advance for being sleepy and a bit dim, after his four day stag night, if there is such a thing.
i told him not to be such a wimp.
my stag night has last five years and doris still hasn't noticed.

by the way, i asked wayne for the inside story about cristiano ronaldo - was he staying at united or going to real madrid.
wayne said: 'who's he?'

i think that says a lot.