doris had her hair done.
and i mean - done.

she went to the hairdresser (he's called kev) looking like she'd seen a ghost after being dragged through a hedge backwards.
she returned looking like jimi hendrix after a heavy shower.

she asked me what i thought.
i said i thought hilary clinton would make a very good vice president.  after all, bill was quite good at vice.

no, she said. how do i look?

you look like a film star, i breathed.

she batted her eyelids.  this set off a gale force wind that blew kev the chauffeur's hat off.
she minced up close to me, and i breathed in the aroma of mince. and onions.

which one? she whispered.

bela lugosi, i replied.

she smiled, licked her lips seductively, and started unbuttoning my lycra jumpsuit...

the rest is personal, ok?
but i've never before had a love bite that needed 23 stitches.