yes, it's the latest edition of my popular compendium of HOW TO do just about everything.
this one is sponsored by MAGIC CREAMS - they make an exclusive range of sun cream that you actually eat. so if your grandparents suddenly get intimate on the sunlounger, don't worry - they're just having a tasty snack! try it for yourself. just lie down on the sand, spread some MAGIC CREAM on your body, and wait ... but be careful where you put it! please note that licking MAGIC CREAM off a stranger is no subsitute for a healthy diet and lifestyle. well, ok, yes it is, but we have to say that.
and now - the edition you have all been waiting for... HOW TO ... SURVIVE THE SUMMER ...
- make yourself some ear muffs out of cocktail sticks and marshmallows - you'll never hear crap music from a car radio again
- can't afford sunglasses? make your own! simply smash a bottle of becks, pick out a couple of decent sized pieces, steal some blue tak from any nearby office cupboard and fix one piece over each eye
- avoid sunburn by only sunbathing at night
- don't suffer in the heat - rig up an extension lead and put the fridge on the patio and leave the door open (this useful tip also means you don't have to go indoors for a piece of cheese)
- give yourself a glowing tan without risking skin cancers - see if you can get work experience at a car spray workshop and wait until they choose the colour brown, then strip off and dance around. everyone will soon be admiring your boot and bonnet.
- can't afford stylish summer wear? make your own! tear the sleeves off a couple of shirts - you'll find plenty hanging out to dry in the sun in your neighbour's gardens.
let us have them!
enjoy your summer!
and here's another exclamation mark, just for you
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