the palace has been eerily quiet today.
the only sound was my brain whirring, as i whizzed through a series of tasks that would have challenged a gladiators contender.
i built myself the ultimate shed - before breakfast.
it has a flat screen tv, a mini-bar, a hammock, and of course a workbench (well, i need to somewhere to put my work before i sit down).
after twenty press-ups (it was only on the count of six that i noticed my next door neighbour looking up at me quizzically), i hosed myself down by lying on the lawn and using my sprinkler, drank a pint of orange juice freshly squeezed between my buttock muscles, then set about task number two - building the ultimate sofa.
it is a three seater - two seats for doris, and one for me. it has push button controls. press button A and a crumb catcher appears on doris's side (she likes whole food - whole cakes, whole loaves, whole packets of biscuits). button b sends a soundproof screen up from between the cushions, separating me from the sound of her panting as she watches ER (it stands for ernie rowbottom, and is a very popular programme on the island). press button c, and a phone rings in the farthest reaches of the palace - this will send her scurrying off, thus giving me five minutes peace).
but look at the time - it's four o'clock and not a sausage pricked.
i must get on!
bye.
