the bags under doris's eyes this morning were big enough and dark enough to hold a few pounds of nutty slack (that's coal, for the uninitiated).
her hair stuck out so far she looked like an exploded football.
from the little i could see of them, her eyes were the sort of red colour you see in bad horror movies.
and the groans as she forced down a pan of scrambled egg were enough to clear the palace of mice.

yes, by all accounts, it was a good night.

flossie, loretta, mavis ... even rose turned up.
they greeted each other with air kisses, but they must have been wearing a lot of lipstick because you can still see the lurid spatters of it on the woodchip wallpaper.
i shouted my hellos nervously from the top of the stairs, then ran into my chambers and locked the door, then prepared to enter a deep meditative state with the help of a few cans of guinness.
but it was no use.
doris put her disco collection on the gramophone, and soon all i could hear was out of tune screaming to what i think was the soundtrack of 'saturday night fever'.

this went on until four am, with only brief pauses for troughing on chocolate creams, sausage rolls, mars bars etc.  oh and beer - crates of the stuff.

i made the mistake of tiptoeing down in my dressing gown. unfortunately, my cord got caught on the banisters, which was painful, and i revealed myself.  flossie immediately charged up the stairs towards me, and i just had time to discard my dressing gown and throw it over her face before sprinting to the safety of my room. 
flossie fell backwards and knocked the others over.
the sound of them falling down the stairs was apparently picked up in honolulu.

that's all i remember.
except that i had run into the wrong room.
five minutes later, doris walked in ...