doris wiggled her hips seductively as she pushed her wheelie-bin sized tartan shopping trolley along the cobbled high street.
her swaying buttocks demolished two litter bins and bent a lamp-post.
and the vibrations from the trolley wheels on the cobbles set off sound waves that sent the cut price denture cream crashing off the shelves at kwiksave.
yes, a shopping trip with doris is always an experience.
all we wanted, originally, was a catering size box of chocolate creams (the girls are coming round tonight and doris insists they'll want feeding up).
but so far, i have watched in horror as doris has filled the trolley to bulging capacity with four meat pies, a dozen packs of sausage rolls, a dozen jumbo mars bars, and a huge sack of sweet chilli, sweet pepper, guacamole, blue cheese, salt, vinegar, cheddar cheese, pickled onion, pepper and gobstopper flavoured crisps - her favourite.
now she's just tottering out of the chemist shop, where she said she wanted to browse the toys department. and get some low calorie chewing gum.
it's all a mystery to me.
i'll be glad to get home, i can tell you.
needless to say, i shan't be invited to join the girls in doris's queenly suite tonight.
think i'll get kev the chauffeur to drive me down to the off licence.
for some proper shopping.
2008-05-09 @ 15:13