i don't know about you but i'm sick and tired of mobile phones that can only play the radio, do gps mapping, take videos and five megapixel photos, and keep your diary and wake you up in the morning, and play games.
and make calls, as well, granted.

i mean - we are living in the dark ages, aren't we?

well, you are on the isle of britain.

here on my island, i have just launched my latest product the KEVKALL mobile.
here are just some of its features -

when someone phones up to sell you something, it automatically fires a virus dart to their number, paralysing their vocal chords;

it learns your voice over time and will automatically phone home for you with a plausible excuse if it's past midnight and you're still down the club;

it incorporates a laser as used in the star wars movies, which enables you to kill any driver who overtakes you and has got a better car than you, and/or is better looking (please be careful how you use this - mobile phones should not be used while driving);

it has an automatic boredom sensor that will trigger a ring tone, for example, if you are stuck in a meeting that is so fascinating that you'd rather spend time with your head in the wheelie bin at a kentucky fried chicken factory.

so, all you people who inhabit the other, lesser countries of the world, like america, canada, and the isle of britain - buck your ideas up.

i'm willing to sell you a few kevkalls.

give me a ring - if you can work out how to do it.