i said to doris i wanted to tell her how i feel.

she immediately removed her lurid lycra vest, which was a bad mistake, because she expanded to three times the size and i was pinned against the wall with something that belonged to her sticking in my right ear.

no, i said, not that sort of feel.

i gave up.

we're staying together, at least for a bit longer.

well about at least an hour longer, because that's how long it's going to take her to get dressed, and me to restore feeling to my vital parts.

whoever coined the phrase 'i've got a crush on you' certainly had doris in mind.