kev the chauffeur was bored.
doris was bored.
they were just pacing around outside the door of my chambers, saying things like
"i'm bored."

that's how i knew they were bored.

so i suggested a sunday drive.
kev the chauffeur yawned and said -
"i suppose i'll have to drive, as per"

i said - 'well you are paid handsomely to be my chauffeur."
'handsomely?' he yelled. "handsomely?"

'well, ok - ugly." i quipped as he pulled out his starting handle.
to cut a short story long, he climbed in through the sunroof (where did i put those keys?) while doris pumped up the tyres with her enormous breaths.

unfortunately, she forgot to put her finger over the valve at one point, and the escaping air from the tyre pumped her up so much that a team of japanese whale hunters abseiled down the wall of the outside toilet and aimed harpoons at her.

kev drove off smartish, with doris holding onto the back bumper.
we decided it would be quicker to do this the other way, so doris simply towed the car a few hundred yards, to the comparative safety of the car park at the black pudding shop.

unfortunately, it was open.
doris is still in there.
comparing puddings.
and no doubt scoffing a load.

i'll give her another five minutes, then i'm tipping off the harpoonists as to her whereabouts.

kev will then have to drive very quickly.
assuming they are accurate shots, the explosion is likely to be heard from miles away.