i felt quite mellow, sitting in my palace drawing room (thus called because it's got curtains and you can draw them) last night.
i was warming my hands on doris's brassiere (brazier? whatever) and sipping from my manchester cocktail (a pint of bitter with a pickled onion floater), and i said ...
"have you missed me, doris?'

she looked puzzled for a moment, and replied: "i haven't tried to hit you yet."

i smiled sadly. "we've had our ups and downs, haven't we?"

she said: "yes, lots of times.  are you ready for another one yet?"

i checked my watch. "it's only ten minutes since the last one. i need longer."

she looked away, combing the hair under her arms thoughtfully.  "well maybe you should get one of those enlargement kits" she sighed.

(to be continued)