you may now open your battle orders, team.

we're going in at 4am GMT saturday when the islanders will be either asleep or completely rat-arsed.
come to think of it, we could just as easily invade at lunchtime...

anyway - i now know who my friends are, and (doris - play the tape now,,,,that one...land of hope and glory..)

we shall fight them on the seafront;  we shall fight them on the one armed bandits;  we shall overcome all obstacles on
the crazy golf course...and as the new day dawns, we shall be rulers once more of the ISLE OF KEVIN...(doris - why
have you been playing the teletubbies theme tune?)

all of you, my loyal friends, will receive riches beyond the dreams of avarice...specifically, a nice little terraced cottage just down
the road from Kev's Cafe, famous for his spam and tripe breakfasts.

i meanwhile, will be shacked up with doris and the girls in my luxury palace (by Barratt Homes), which has five bathrooms featuring double toilets for intimacy.

it's going to be tough.  the sea crossing will be hazardous.  and the natives are revolting.

but we shall prevail.

that is all.

carry on, troops.

as previously notified, there will be a news blackout next week.  but you'll be able to follow the story about how the eagle has landed on the isle of kevin, as from 22 october...ONLY ON EAGLE EYE!!