my door stripping got off to an encouraging start, but slowly deteriorated.

the hinge screws were so badly painted over, that i decided it would be quicker to hack the whole frame off the wall.
while attacking the frame with a hammer and bolster chisel, i fractured a water pipe which sent a jet of central heating water into my face, knocking off my smart flat hat and completely misting up my glasses.
partially blinded, i dropped the hammer.
it hit my foot, and i hopped on the spot.  unfortunately, i hopped onto the hammer, flicking it neatly through the air and through the door's glass panel.
the impact further dislodged the door and frame, and the whole lot then fell onto me.
as if that wasn't bad enough, it fell in the opposite direction to the one i expected - thus completely missing the new and neat white dustsheet i had spread out on the carpet.  as i fell i knocked over the mug of coffee i had perched on top of my toolbox, all over the new carpet in the hallway.
luckily, i found i could stand up easily - then realised it was because all the glass was gone and the glass shards had ripped my overalls (and it is painful when your overalls get gashed).
i yelled for help but my dog must have misunderstood and she came bounding up to me excitedly, and knocked me back onto the floor.
i landed with my arse onto one of the brass door knobs.   normally, i think some people pay for this privilege, but if you ask me, they're being ripped off (?)
doris and flossie and rose heard my high pitched and rather faint cry, and fell down the stairs in their haste to be the first to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation.
somehow, i found the strength to get back on my feet before they reached me.
between us, we carried the now rather bowed door out into the garden, then stood looking at each other as i realised i'd forgotten to put the trestles in place.
rather gamely, i thought, the girls knelt down on the patio and formed a rather strong workbench.  my smart alec neighbour commented on the fact that he wasn't expecting a full moon till tonight and i smiled weakly, and reached for my rotary sander.

what can i tell you?
the sander just sort of stuck and i whirled around it.  i'm sure it should have been the other way round?
after an hour, i had just about reached the natural wood under 14 layers of dulux.
but the girls said they were getting a headache and could they have a break.
so i went indoors and brought out a trough of tea and sprinkled meat pie crumbs on the floor for them.

it was getting dark by this stage, so i rigged up a spotlight.
the bulb blew.
the noise made the girls jump, and as a result the door slid off their backs with me kneeling on top with me sander at full pelt.
the sander then caught in the gravel and i ended up rolling at high speed down the path and out onto the main road.

the police have kindly allowed me to write this statement out in full and share it with you.
now i'm hoping doris and the girls will come and bail me out.
you see, the problem was, i rolled into the main road right in front of a reliant robin three wheeler carrying emergency fish and chip supplies for the weightwatchers rejects club.
the whole lot spilled out onto the road, prompting a feeding frenzy from my greedy neighbours, most of whom managed a chip each before being trampled by doris and the girls.

still - these things happen, don't they?