HOT AND EXCLUSIVE NEWS from the eagle's nest today.
the bbc has been rigging songs of praise.
outrageous!

the so-called congregation is in fact made up of the bbc's reserve acting pool - the ones who failed auditions for top shows like CELEBRITY ANAL SHAVING, and STAR DROP (in which people vote for which unheard of celebrity should be thrown off a cliff).

seems the bbc has caved into pressure from the actors union and guaranteed them songs of praise appearance money.

secret auditions were held at ST ATTILA THE HUN CHURCH last week.
actors had to sing Jesus Wants Me for A Sunbeam while smiling broadly.
extra points were awarded for the highest number of visible white teeth while singing the chorus.

JON HURT, who recently - and appropriately - appeared on 'who do you think you are', spilled the beans after he was turned down for a key position right next to the choirboys.

he raged: "they picked NOEL %&*^^^^ ing EDMONDS, who can't act for toffee and has a beard! what's worse, he got the words to 'upward christian soldiers' completely wrong."

the eagle promises this is one news story you won't read anywhere else (because i made it up).